JOAN ChuaWeiYing.
I'm sixteen
& Get older on every 18thjune.
I'm really fickle-minded and impulsive, I just do things without thought, sometimes it annoys me too. Well, I want to change. For starters, i need to stop being so rude.
1. Put your iTunes/Napster/Zune Player/WinAmp/etc on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS!
4. Tag 10 or more friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got it from.
IF SOMEONE SAYS "IS THIS OKAY" YOU SAY? Rich girl - Gwen Stefani
WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL? She's the one - Robbie Williams
HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? Maneater - Nelly Furtado
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE'S PURPOSE? The winner takes it all - Mamma mia?
WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO? Heartless - The guy who won American Idol lol
WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? If you seek amy - Britney Spears
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR PARENTS? Iris - Goo goo dolls
WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN? Remember the name - Fort Minor
WHAT IS 2+2? 4 la!
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND? Photograph - Nickelback
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE? Too much - Crown J and Inyoung
WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY? My all - Mariah Carey
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP? Let's go party - 2NE1
WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE? One more time - Tree Bicycles
WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU? Where is the love? - Black eyed peas
WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING? I'll be there - Mariah Carey
WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? Love song - Sarah Bareilles
WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST? Lies - Bigbang (NOT TRUE OKAY)
WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS? World of our own - Westlife
WHAT'S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN? Stickwitu - PCD
HOW WILL YOU DIE? Hush Hush - PCD
WHAT IS THE ONE THING YOU REGRET? Crazy little thing called love - Micheal Buble
WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH? Headlines - Spice girls
WHAT MAKES YOU CRY? ABC - Jackson 5
WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED? Miss you like crazy - Babyface
WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST? Angels - Robbie Williams
DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU? Pretty boy - 2NE1
IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE? I'm yours - Jason Mraz
WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW? Yearning of the heart - BOF OST
WHAT WILL YOU POST THIS AS? Genie - Girls Generation SNSD
Tagged by Yuxiang,love. I tag : Xuezhen , Choonkun , Xiaoting, Dalston, AShumei, Michelle, MengL, and it.
Thursday, December 31, 2009 - 2:22 AM
Today is new years eve, and tmr will be the start of new year. So much things I want to do, but so little time. I'm sorry Xuezhen, we were supposed to go out but the indecisive me took such a long time to confirm, and now she's got something on. :( I've been waiting for you for so long. Sigh. I guess we have no fate. smelly woman who just bathed! Haha :D MSN
xuezhen says: love u too <3>
I had a really bad nightmare last night, I dreamt that I got super pregnant with two babies(one foetus older than the other) and I a toddler in tow and OMG I swear its one of the biggest nightmare in my life. I had no money and no job and no home, and I was running away from people who were trying to catch me, doing my best to protect both the unborn and born. I remember vividly saying to Xiaoting(in the dream) that being so heavily pregnant with a toddler in tow no one would want me or date me. Omg it was bloody sad, I didnt know the father and I didnt have a boyfriend in the dream. It really felt like the end to me. Like i should do something like dying. Then we were in this shopping mall and suddenly there was this really huge explosion, and glass panels shot up from te ground to block all escape routes, really stupid but i have no idea why. And the worst thing was i lost my toddler, and I was trying my best to lessen any impact or chemical that could hurt my unborn so I was trying my best to run far, quickly. This is a horrible dream where I'm desperately trying to save myself while thinking of dying at the same time. So sick I hope I never dream of something like that again. Feeling so helpless was really devastating I nearly cried in my dream. Sickening and the worst part was when i woke up from it I overslept! Tsk was supposed to meet Xiaoting. Thank god she was still at home, she didnt bother to call me. She wanted me to sleep so that I can lighten my dark circles. How sweet of her! What am i doing now!? I should go to sleep soon I'm really wasting her effort.
ANYWAYS^^ -> New year resolutionssssssssss If I'm not wrong I've been doing this every year. Whatever result I'll get for my O's, I'll just have to suck it up and move forward, and to work harder and STOP PROCRASTINATING. I need to tatoo that into my brain its a really bad habit to kick. Also for my hair to grow longer, and to be more frugal. Cut down on vulgarities too. I have no idea why I'm so vulgar its really ugly, this trait has to go. Anw i've got four more kg to lose, yay! And have longer hair. Top priority, to takecare of my hair. Got to use the hair massaging method gelene taught me.
Ah i'll miss everything so much i hate growing up! Time should stop now before I start ageing really bad and sagging. nono time should stop after I get married and have kids. Tsk. Time does fly.
Movies watched recently : The Avatar, Sherlock Holmes. Movies i wanna watch: Bodyguards and Assasins!
What I want to do now: Sleep! What I'm thinking: Hungry
I really want to write about things everyday, on what i have done and all, in detail so i can remember in future. But I'm really lazy and logging in is such a hassle.
Anw, I've been going for band so much that my attendance this holiday for band is even better than some of the members( I have one name in mind) who didn't even bother to show their(her) face(luohan one in fact) in band. Haha. Persis! Well I went to watch Sherlock Holmes with Jingyi Choonkun and Marcus(Seeeeeeet) yesterday the yesterday( it was really last min, shumei if you get pissed call me i'll watch it again) and it was really really hilarious! Really, you have to pay attention to actually decipher the joke everything is spoken so old fashion i was getting a lil annoyed. Today clique came over(cept for our two babies) and we watched movies in the comfort of my home :D Its been so long since we spent so much time together locked up in one place basking in the warmth of each other's presence. Felt so good to just shut up and enjoy a show together! Hahaha. Anw they left at 11.25 and I"M BLOODY TIRED NOW BUT I WANT TO REMEMBER EVERYTHING. We watched Yours,Mine,Ours and tv programmes. Lol. Sometimes I wish I own CableTV so that i wouldn't be depriving them from watching better shows in my home and at least let them enjoy( but also because i want to watch the Korean Channel-KBS) and watch in my air-conned living room. Hahaha. Wont it be perfect! Anw Mr Lun's( Yi-sarum tong tong) really nice to teach me Korean! Haha. I have this little book filled with Korean words( the book actually has my name printed on it, its super eerie, its purely coincidence but its really nice I have no idea why its there, and its really my name! Signed sweetly with a heart :D) and Mr Lun helped me out with some words and filled in some blanks. Haha thanks for giving me your spare time Sir! :) Anw he kind of owes me since I trapped him in this room with Xt's help, and in attempt to get out of it MrLun forcefully pulled the door really hard and my hard got caught in between the handle and the door and it got hurt quite badly :( There's a bruise on the back of my hand which still hurts. Its already five days! Haha. Anw I told MrLun that he couldn't go in but he went in stubbornly to prove me wrong and I got hurt instead of him!? Unfair. Maybe its my just desserts for biting the hand that feeds me, He's been teaching me so much but i'vebeen using them to stab at him instead. But really i'm just kidding! Maybe i should apologise to him tmr. I told him once that if he finds that i'm getting overboard he should tell me, but he says he doesnt bother and knows that i'm just being cheeky, poking at him all the time. Wish I'd done better and worked even harder to achieve the Gold, that way we could at least do him proud. Sigh.
Well its really easy to type out my thoughts so i guess that's the reason this post is getting longer and longer.
Andra Chua Wei Qi is in Bangkok. I miss her so much. :( Nobody to quarrel and nag at me. I guess absence makes the heart grow fonder. I shall treat her naggings like the songs i enjoy listening to and sing along with her nags in future. LOL.
To JIE JIE! Enjoy yourself in Bangkok and take the best of care of your mass of flesh! I hope you remember to get the things I want and to drink so much water that you transpire! Ah I hope you listened to my nags and absorbed it. Wish you'd be able to see this there! I sent you an sms i hope you got to read it! :D
With everyday and night we spend quarrelling, tears are shed. With every word i say, i make you cry. I know, that what I am doing is nt wrong. If i wanted to do something so wrong, i would've done it long ago. I'm just trying to set myself free, so that i can do what i want. And not have to live life without experience. I'm not asking for me to kill and steal, to punch or riot. I'm simply asking for me to live. Is that so wrong? If everytime I ask for something so innocent, you have to think like that and over react, i might as well stay at home. If i stay at home with no one around, i might as well die. No one will notice right? What's the difference? If living life right now is so hard. What for?
Everyday i walk on this thin thin thread. I'm afraid to do wrong things at work. I'm afraid i'll say something wrong, and tell wrong information. I'm afraid to accidentally offend your feelings, and cause disharmony. I'm afraid that if i say something wrong, you wont love me. I'm afraid that we will all seperate. I'm afraid that you will leave me, all alone. I'm afraid that if i dont do something now, we will all drift. I'm afraid to even live, I'm afraid not to oblige, and you'll get mad and ignore me. I'm afraid that you will never come home, and i'll have to sleep alone. I'm afraid, that the only rainbow i have, will come to an end.
To think about all these things that I'm afraid, is sad. That i have to sit and seeth in anger in silence, cus breathing will cause a war. To have to bear it and will the unhappiness away, so that at least i can breathe. If only everyday I could live by with just nothing to think of to stress, of nothing to fear. To have to do so much, and you dont even care. To have to run at the speed of light, just so you wouldn't get angry.
I just hope that you're there once again, to offer me the companionship i once loved so much. If i ever get that, it doesn't matter if i have no one else. Because i have you.
To have to go through days in fear. Being able to watch my shows are actually a blessing. I can be in a world with no stress, no fear, no sadness. I just feel and anticipate, and get happy endings. I dont even know how to describe how i truly feel. Education and socialising is of no use, i can even type down the knot i'm feeling right now. Maybe i'm just lucky that i'm getting numb. Its just so hard to cry when you've been keeping it in for so long. And crying just doesnt matter because its just tears, and you actually find that there's no point crying.
I'm just so tired, and wish that problems will just stop and i can do what i want. What i want that is not wrong. that you wouldn't think that it would be. And i'd be free to do it, The reason why i'm really upset because it does not make sense, for people to actually tell me to do things they themselves are not setting a good example of. To tell me that i cannot spend thenight out, when you yourself is not sleeping at home. To say that i'm not allowed to this or that, when you yourself are being such a prick. I just want it so bad, because i dont want them to get mad. Why do i even care?
Sometimes its so frustrating to want something so bad, and get nothing in return. to keep giving on and on, but get nothing back. To have to tell myself that it will all be over and keep staying numb, its just pathetic. because everyday, i know i'm not living a happy and normal life like everyone else. it just gets so hard to stay sane. To have to watch you be so happy, but crumble alone. I have a choice, to either live life everyday with a frown, or simply just make the best out of it. I chose my choice, and that is whatever i do, i know i'll have myself.
I just hope that sometimes, i dont have to listen to all of your problems anymore. I'd beg you to sit down and listen to mine, let me speak, let me tell my story. But I can't. I wouldn't know where to start. There would be nothing to tell. Because its been too long since i have. I'll never know how to open up anymore. I will only know how i feel, eccentric feelings that no one understand, that no one can connect to. I will just keep staying mute and numb. I know i should be thanking my lucky stars because my life could be worse. But living in a sticky web, threading on a thin thread precariously everyday, is just hard. To feel uneasy and not have appetite, but still have to eat, is disgusting. To have to force food into my mouth and actually swallow is sick.
I dont even know who i need anymore. Someone who understands me best would be me, i wish i can just duplicate myself, and just keep myself company for the rest of my life. I know i will never be alone, because i will always be able to think and talk to myself. I know, i will need someone who understands me one day, who will be my soulmate and spend forever with me. But that day will never come, no one will understand me crystal clear, no one will feel how i feel, no one but me. Soulmates only happens on tv, in blockbuster movies and in fairytale books.
At times like this, I wish that i can just step off a cliff and start flying. When i stop, i will know, that i'm in a world where there is no pain.
Well, this is one of the few reasons as to why I'm not listening to english songs anymore. Ok maybe I dont unerstand much of the lyrics, but there's such a thing called internet and translations!
Ah I'm feeling so tired. Was supposed to wake up earlier today to edit the alumni band proposal thing and I overslept. Now i've got lesser time to watch my shows. Band was actually really fun ytd because i got to play the songs i wanted, but miss goh had to spoil it all she's such a bitch. I dont see why ex-students have to keep their hair undyed and wear only one stud per year when there are teachers who do the exact opposite in our school and exist. Some of them even dress like dolls to come to school. Stupid system especially since they're supposed to be the ones setting a good example. How unfair, annoyingly they dont even practice what they preach so why the hell do we have to listen! Natos.
Going to meet mum and sis later to watch Avatar. Happy! I wanna eat good food hahaha. Found out that Andra cheated and photoshopped away her pimple I named pimply. ): I intentionally took pictures with it in it and now she's photoshopped away. Lol! Well i guess sister has to keep her reputation pimple freeeeeeee.
As you can see I have decided to dedicate an ENTIRE BLOGPOST TO YOU! Isn't that sweet? I concluded that since you required so much more attention than PB, I'll give you WHAT YOU WANT. I'm very sure that you're adamant on not retrieving the remains of your brain and actually contemplating on the contents of your tags, which are entirely not meaningful, pathetic, and are utterly overwhelming with faecal matter. Apparently, you do not know how to FOLLOW AFTER PB, who gladly disappeared obediently without much fuss. THANKYOU PB! FOR YOUR KIND VANISHING! Anw Jason, since you're such a pussy, well well. This entire post is for you! I'm sure that you're very happy that I've given you such a wonderful post right here. Well, of course with no doubt. the topic would be MIND YOUR OWN BUSSINESS! aka MYOB.
I'm going to respond to your TAGS in detail. So please, sit tight and do not navigate away, JASON.
For starters, I'd like to inform you that I'm 16, and PB is of unknown age. We are going through puberty, and are not yet an adult. So obviously, I'M NOT MATURE YET RIGHT!?!??!?! Secondly, coming to MY blog( i had to cap the MY just in case you're one of those unlucky asians with super super slitty eyes, oh wait, i guess no one has it. Because only ultimate nosey parkers have them- SLITTY SLITTY EYES THIN LIKE HAIR STRANDS) and asking me to MYOB isn't right is it? You are being such a KPO KING yourself by even having the audicity to poke your nose into this bussiness, BUT EVEN ASKING US TO STAY OUT OF IT!! Please, its like eating beef and claiming that you're faithful to Guan Yin Ma. Furthermore, we can't really act like our age because there isn't a general AGE GUIDE BOOK that teaches us how to do so, and there isn't a law in Spore that demands us to. So unless you're an ultimate angel, SHUT THE FUCK UP. The third, like i mentioned, 16 year olds be coming parental has got NOTHING TO DO WITH US. NOTHING. NADA. NIL. ZILCH. Its not even advisable to do so! Unless you are a parent right now, being 16 and living in a miserable run down flat having 16 kids bouncing around the house, SHUT THE FUCK UP. You have no bloody right to ask us to grow up when you yourself is being such an infant coming here to tag all your MYOB nonsense when you're not even practicing what you preach. Maybe you dont understand the contents of this blogpost. Its okay. I strongly urge you to RETURN TO PRESCHOOL AND START YOUR EDUCATION ALL OVER AGAIN. Obviously you've not learnt anything in your whole of 16 years. Socialising and education has given you NOTHING. Oh yeah anyway, what was the "stop flattering" thing? My god you're really dumb.
And your next tag, "I mind your bussiness and you all mind yours too" WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!? Whats with THE BUSSINESS THING!? Can't you just screw off obediently and eat your words??? Why're you such a stubborn mule ( A mule is a child of a horse and a donkey incase you're still bloody stupid) bent on asking everyone to MYOB!? I can only conclude that you have a pea brain ): Because..... You just fucking repeat that like, a hundred times because that's the only FRICKING CONTENT IN YOUR BRAIN.
By the way jason( notice that i didnt give you the caps for the J, you dont deserve it. You're under the level of a homo sapien) IT IS NOT ENTIRELY CHOONKUNS FAULT. Have you heard of the saying " IT TAKES TWO HANDS TO CLAP" ? Oh no, i dont think so. I forgot about your pea brain. Anw, WHICH PART OF THE ENTIRE INCIDENT IS CHOONKUN'S FAULT?? CAN YOU TELL ME!? If can't then again, SHUT THE FUCK UP. ANYWAY, IF IT WEREN'T FOR YOU, WE WOULDN'T HAVE TO STOP. BECAUSE YOU STARTED IT. So are you gonna apologise? Hmm? Or maybe you can bring THE FEMALE LEAD ACTRESS OVER HERE TO ASK EVERYONE TO STOP SINCE ITS ALSO HER FAULT. HOW ABOUT THAT?
SO UNLESS YOU HAVE ANYMORE INTELLECTUAL COMMENTS TO MAKE, SHUT THE FUCK UP. YOU KNOW YOUR PRESENCE IS A PAIN. AND LOSERS LIKE YOU ARE A WASTE OF MONEY IN OUR SOCIETY, BECAUSE YOU WOULDN'T BE ABLE TO CONTRIBUTE ENOUGH TO EVERYONE AS ALL YOU CAN DO IS TO REPEAT NONSENSICAL CRAP REPEATEDLY.
And lastly, you're an IT. Even Meng's sweet sucker(ITS A DOG) is a him. Don't you feel so mediocre? Just drown yourself in the toilet bowl. Yes, there isn't even enough water. But you're dumb enough to die in THAT. AND FUCK YOU! For wasting my precious time when i could have spent it watching We Got Married. FYHHTTM!
HERE'S A GREAT BIG THANK YOU TO MY BRILLIANT FRIENDS, WHO'RE ALWAYS THERE FOR ME TO HELP ME CLEAR PARASITIC BUGS LIKE jason! I DEEPLY APPRECIATE ALL YOUR TIME WASTED ON THE PIECE OF PLANKTON, THANK YOU DEARS! XOXOXO :D
THANK YOU TO - BRANDON CHOONKUN DALSTON DYDYFLOSS MENGLIANGSS XIAOTING! :D YOU'RE THE BEST I'LL EVER GET. :)
One good thing about having sweet buddies is that they get fantastic souveniers for you! Hahaha. Jingyi bought this really nice watch for m from taiwan! It's white with a couple in it. I really needed watch, but i didnt want to get one. But now I've got it! :D Thank you Jingyi dear! :D
And thank you Choonkun! haha. Thank you for reading the whole post up till after Dals's concert! Faithful loyal and patient! :) Well, he bought me this really pink sweet glitter nail polish from japan! I'm using it now heh heh heh. I've been searching high and low for a nail polish like this (really! ask jingyi) But they were either to expensive or to fugly. So I just waited till i found the right one... Tada~! Choonkun bought this for me from Japan! Happy happy thank you so much! :D
Sigh, so guilty for staying in Singapore all the time and not being able to get stuff for you guys. Thank you for remembering me when you should be busy getting stuff for yourselves and having fun. Thank you! xoxoxoxoxo :D
FOR LITTLE MISS SELFISH Because choonkun deserves better than you, and maybe you're just being a sick bitch for hogging him for more than a year. With all the lies and rotten nonsense, you should go to hell. You could say that he sucked, but you're not much of a looker yourself. You're just lucky you found another beast to hog. For all the presents that he got you, all the smses, the time, the money, the love, they were all wasted. You have no idea that other girls would be begging to take your place, but no. Like a wastrel you wasted it all. Well, at least he's a free man now! He can ogle every pretty lady in sight on the streets, flirt will all the xiao mei meis(LOL), chat up girls because he's not TIED DOWN BY AN INSENSITIVE BITCH LIKE YOU ANYMORE.
Choonkun! All the best in your future! I really hope that you'll meet the right one who'll do you justice, please dont get shit in your eyes again and waste yourself on someone so sinful. Please, or I'll make sure you return home with one leg.
Woke up really late today at 4, slept at like 6 yesterday. I'm watching BOF all over again. I dont know why, but I just dont want to get over it so soon so i'm jumping into it again. Haha. Well, didnt meet clique today. Today was strange and quick, and its 5 am already. Anyway, Popo they all dropped by, and i took some really cute photos with and of the kids. Missed them so much. Cuddly little lumps of flesh. Anyway we went out for dinner at Buangkok area, and Kong Kong specially ordered the mushroom dish i really liked. So sweet of him :) I dont know when i can go eat Popo's mushrooms, she cooks it really well with abalone, ah well. I made do with the ones at Buangkok. Came home from dinner and sat here till now, but this doesn't feel like no-life. It feels more like peace. Peace from the noise, crying, hurting, shouting, screaming, teasing and hassles over what to wear. Its really nice to just sit here and do what want, and it's been eons since i last did so. So now I refuse to sleep so early, otherwise this feelings gonna go away.
And all you idiots ask me to update, i did and all go holidays and dissapear ): so bad.
And Choonkun! haha he's in Japan now and he got me a gift. Heh heh heh. He's a true friend, he never fails to get me a souvenier. I can count so many which he bought for me. Socks from Korea, this pen key chain from Hongkong? And now a new present from Japan! Too bad i dont go overseas often. :/ Its okay choonkun, I'll go get something for you from Sentosa! :) Lol.
Today is the day i opened up my heart, pulled you out and ventured out to see how you've been doing. I read on and on, contemplated. With every word i saw, did i seeth in anger? I didnt. I smiled and remember those times we shared. I started to wonder, to ponder. It trespassed my mind, i didnt want it to. But it doesnt matter. Because I wont allow it. You'll just join the ones who didn't make it to my future. Why? That's simply because if i really needed you for my survival, I'd be dead long ago. But no, I'm fine.
Maybe, just maybe, only if you grovel on broken glass and beg on your knees. I could be wrong, yes, but i just can't find it in my heart to look at you.
